Media Recommendation: Podcast
Could your fatigue—at least in part—come from fawning?
The Media Recommendation— WTF IS ON MY MIND?! Episode 19: The 4th “F” (FAWNING) with Dr. Ingrid Clayton
This week at The Art of Rest we’re going to keep it short at sweet by recommending a podcast episode I’ve probably listened to upwards of 6 times now. This episode is a casual conversation around the Fawn Response and how it impacts a variety of body systems, social dynamics, and healing processes.
While I stumbled onto this podcast for a variety of other reasons, when this episode aired back in March 2023, I immediately listened to it twice in a row. Not only did I already know about, respect, and individually like the two people who are featured in this podcast episode—but what they had to say specifically about the fawn response was something I had been trying to put my finger on for myself and others for an incredibly long time. Hearing two people, with vastly different experiences from each other (and different from my own!), articulate the nuances of how the fawn response showed up in their lives. Their stories were helpful, healing, and fascinating.
Recently, a similar conversation came up again in my life while eating lunch with a roommate and they were unfamiliar with the concept of fawning. I recommended this podcast and they circled back later to say that it was one of the most helpful things they had listened to in a while.
It occurred to me, that perhaps, all of you pursuing the art of rest might get a wisdom nugget or two out of it as well.
Down the line, I'll likely write a more in-depth article on the exact, nitty-gritty science about why the fawn response creates a cycle of chronic fatigue and might just be the anti-thesis to pursuing the art of rest. But for now, I’d rather give you a media recommendation that resonated along my own journey. This is a resource I often provide for people who struggle with understanding people pleasing1. So even if you’re not sure you fall into the “fawn” response entirely, but occasionally find yourself people pleasing beyond your capacity—this might help give some context for why those behaviors show up, and the energetic toll it can take. I’ve added some reflective questions at the bottom of this article for anyone wanting to dig in on this before the holiday season.
I look forward to hearing what it stirs up in some of you.
Whether you agree, disagree, love it, hate it—I’d love to know.
Here to catch your stories as per usual,
Dagny Rose
Reflective Questions For Fawn Response
Where in my life have I had to override my own needs to appease others, protect myself, or make sure I got my own needs met?
What did this look like in childhood?
What did this look like as a teenager?
What did this look like in your first workplace setting?
What did this look like in your early romantic partnerships?
What did this look like with your parents?
What did this look like as an emerging adult?
What is your relationship to people pleasing like now?
What is my belief about myself when I go out of my way to do things for others (even if it takes a toll on me to achieve it)?
What are my stories and beliefs about other people who say no often?
What is my relationship like to saying no?
What emotions, behaviors, or beliefs usually follow?
Do you feel that you are clear and assertive with your no’s or are you more passive around them? Do you try to get other people to say no to you first so you don’t have to?
How often do I typically do things for others in relation to how often I do them for myself?
How often do I find myself feeling burnt out, resentful, or frustrated in a given week?
What is one thing I could say no to starting tomorrow that would create more space for myself to rest?
What are my fears about saying no to this immediate thing?
What is the worst thing that could happen? What about the best thing? What is actually likely to happen if I created this space?
This sub-section of The Art of Rest, is all about—you guessed it—The Rest.
As a trained sleep scientist and mindfulness teacher & researcher, here we explore the everything related to rest. Whether we are unpacking the newest evidence-based sleep health tips, exploring day-to-day tools for bolstering and protecting rest, or diving into a world of dreams, “The Rest” is going to regularly touch into what a restful life is, and how to move towards one5
Looking For A Personalized Way to Optimize Your Rest?
Exciting announcement! My books are now open again for the hibernation season! I am looking forward to giving winter guidance around sleep health & nervous system regulation around stress. I offer individualized 1:1 guidance for those who want to use rest as a way to expand their creativity to just need a tune up all the way towards those who are dealing with chronic rest related issues. Shoot me an email at dagnyrose@theartofrest.me to inquire about getting started.
Just to be clear, fawn response and people pleasing are not inherently the same thing. However, learning about one, is often very helpful to understanding the other. So whether or not you identify with having a true “fawn response” tangled up in your nervous system, this podcast episode is helpful to consider how similar features might be showing up in your life.